Integration

I've been back in the states for three weeks now so I'm integrating back into regular life. It's been easy in some ways and challenging in others, which is no surprise. What I find interesting is that some of the things that I thought might pose a problem have gone smoothly, while I have been triggered by other things that never occurred to me.

For instance, I thought I was crazy for booking the Las Vegas conference but it ended up being great! I didn't experience any jet lag - I think having the adrenaline from speaking at the conference actually helped give me energy so I easily adjusted to the time change.

Once I was back in Seattle, one of the first things I did was go grocery shopping. While that seems innocuous enough, it turned out to be really overwhelming. I was in the produce section trying to decide what to get and all of a sudden I started feeling really emotional and I didn't know why. I stood there looking at all of the choices and I just totally froze. I realized afterwards that I hadn't made any decisions for myself in six weeks - in Philly, Bali & Vegas I had a schedule laid out for me that in addition to all my activities, it included when, where and what I ate. It was fantastic to have all those details taken care of, don't get me wrong, I just hadn't realized how accustomed I had become to following what was decided for me rather than making decisions for myself.

My first day back in the office turned out to be an emotional day. I was really happy to see all my coworkers - I am very lucky to work with wonderful friends! However, even though I work with forty people, our office is divided into sections so there aren't a lot of people around me. This is the opposite of Bali where I was constantly with other people - we ate together, had classes together, worked on projects together, lived together, etc. There was rarely a time when I was alone - even on the days of silence, we weren't speaking but we were with each other. Anyway, my first few days back at the office brought up a lot of emotions for me because I was feeling really isolated and lonely. It helps to leave my desk periodically and walk around to chat with people, so now I incorporate that into my day and it provides a better sense of community.

The second thing I noticed about being back at work was that it was hard for me to be inside all day. In Bali we were always outside - even when we were inside, it felt like we were outside because the buildings had open walls. We were in the middle of the jungle so we were surrounded by lush green trees and vibrantly colored flowers, we were constantly breathing in fresh clean air, and I was barefoot the whole time (flip-flops were the closest I ever came to shoes). It is a huge difference to now be inside all day, with circulated air, wearing jeans & shoes. Also, the tallest building at Anahata was two stories so I felt very connected to the earth the whole time I was in Bali. My office is on the 29th floor and my condo is on the 33rd floor, so in Seattle I spend most of my life up in the air. I never thought about it before because it was what I was used to, but after being grounded for a month it felt very strange to be back in skyscrapers. I can help both of those issues by remembering to take breaks outside. Even if it's just for a few minutes, it makes a big difference in my day.

Anyway, I'm feeling settled in now and things are back to normal...well, as normal as they will ever be. I will always have Bali with me and my life will forever be changed :)